Yesterday morning I was faced with a task that I have been putting off for about a month now. Liam's top dresser drawer was full of onesies that were sizes newborn and 0-3 months. Since the boy is turning six months old on Friday, needless to say, those clothes don't fit him anymore. His bottom drawer was stuffed with pants and footie pajamas, half of which are also too small now.
It took me about a month to bring myself to be able to go through it all, and when I did I had to it through tears.
As I looked at each and every piece of clothing in those drawers, I realized that he would never wear any of them again. All of the adorable onesies with the funny sayings, the footies he looked so adorable sleeping in, and the pants that he ended up pooping all over half the time. He will never wear them again and I didn't realize when he wore them that it would be for the last time. This realization struck me when I came across my favorite pair of his pants, size 0-3 months. They're just a simple pair of gray sweatpants with white stripes. Nothing fancy, but I loved him in them. And now they're too small. And I don't even remember the last time he wore them.
I've been so obsessed with the firsts of this season of life. The first time he rolled over, the first time he makes certain noises, the first time he eats each food, the first time he slept through the night. But I have missed the lasts. The last time he sat in his baby swing, the last time he wore the onesie we brought him home from the hospital in, the last time he laid on the floor without being able to roll over. The little things that I thought wouldn't mean anything now mean so much. I think they mean a lot to me because he is growing so fast and I've been here for it all but I still feel like I'm missing so much. I don't really know how that's even possible.
I have been looking at this season of Liam's life as a season of firsts, but I think from now on I'm going to try and not let myself miss as many of the lasts, because their bittersweet nature is just as big of a part of his life right now.
XOXO,
Courtney
