As of today I am 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant with our stubborn little man. I honestly cannot believe that this is going to be my last blog post while carrying him. That makes me excited, but a little sad at the same time. This week I have been so wrapped up in going for walks, eating spicy food, downing pineapple, doing squats and lunges, and trying every other old wives' tale out there about how to start labor. And I've failed to realize that these are my last few days for it to just be me and him.
The plan is that Monday night at 7:30 we're going to the hospital for me to be induced, since he isn't coming on his own. And I'm okay with that. I've realized that having to be induced is not the end of the world and it does not mean that I have failed. It doesn't mean that my body sucks and can't do what it's supposed to do. It just means that my body needs some help getting our little man into the world.
But I've still been trying everything I can think of to get him to come on his own. I would love to go into labor without help, but I don't think that's in the cards for me. And again I say, that's okay. As long as he is healthy and happy, I'll be just fine. I just wanted to give him a chance to come when he was ready, but my body and mind can't take too much longer of this. So on Monday I'll be 41 weeks and baby boy is getting evicted that night.
This week has sucked. I'd be lying if I said any different. This has been the hardest week of my life so far. Every morning I have woken up nauseous, and it's gotten progressively worse each day. Yesterday was the worst day so far, I thought I might really be in labor for a while! I woke up feeling terrible..nauseous, with period like cramping, and I just didn't feel good. It didn't go away with drinking some water, eating saltines, and doing a light workout. It eased up for a while but them would come back in waves all day. Last night after dinner the back pain started too. I thought, "maybe this is it...but probably not...don't get your hopes up again." So I just tried to forget about the waves of pain and discomfort and enjoy hanging out with my parents. I went to bed expecting to be woken up by my water having broken or the contractions being strong and regular...nope. I woke up for the first time about an hour after I went to sleep and felt the same, crampy and uncomfortable. The next hour when I woke up, everything was back to normal. No back pain, no cramping. And it was the same for the other about 6 times I woke up last night. Then I woke up this morning feeling nauseous and having period like cramping and back pain again. I've realized this is just my life until he gets here.
Which makes it really hard to enjoy these last few days of carrying him. I know that in just a few short days I won't ever feel him kick my ribs again. I won't be able to feel him turn over and stick his little booty out, feeling like he's trying to come out next to my belly button. I won't be able to have him all to myself. Those thoughts make me sad, and the fact that I've been so wrapped up in trying to get him out instead of really cherishing those moments makes me even sadder.
The best part about this week, despite knowing that I won't be able to feel his kicks in my belly for much longer, is knowing that in a few short days I'll be seeing those kicks and punches. I'll be able to hold him in my arms and snuggle him. I'll be able to kiss his face. And that makes me happier than I ever thought I could be. Those thoughts make all of this nausea, back pain, being uncomfortable, and lack of sleep worth it.
This time next week, I'll be able to sneak into his nursery and watch him sleep, not just stare into his empty crib. I'll be able to kiss those little feet that have been bruising my ribs for months. I'll be able to hold him in my arms when I read his bedtime Bible story to him. I'll finally be able to look into his eyes and tell him I love him.
This has been the most difficult journey of my life. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. But this has also been the most rewarding and amazing journey of my life so far. I've learned so much about myself and what I can take. I know that I'm stronger than I thought I was. And I know that I am going to love this little man more than I ever thought possible. He is more than worth everything I've gone through, now I just can't wait to get my hands on him!
The finish line of this journey is finally in sight and I cannot wait to hold the prize waiting for me.
XOXO,
Courtney
No comments:
Post a Comment