Last Pregnant Blog Post

As of today I am 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant with our stubborn little man. I honestly cannot believe that this is going to be my last blog post while carrying him. That makes me excited, but a little sad at the same time. This week I have been so wrapped up in going for walks, eating spicy food, downing pineapple, doing squats and lunges, and trying every other old wives' tale out there about how to start labor. And I've failed to realize that these are my last few days for it to just be me and him. 

The plan is that Monday night at 7:30 we're going to the hospital for me to be induced, since he isn't coming on his own. And I'm okay with that. I've realized that having to be induced is not the end of the world and it does not mean that I have failed. It doesn't mean that my body sucks and can't do what it's supposed to do. It just means that my body needs some help getting our little man into the world.

But I've still been trying everything I can think of to get him to come on his own. I would love to go into labor without help, but I don't think that's in the cards for me. And again I say, that's okay. As long as he is healthy and happy, I'll be just fine. I just wanted to give him a chance to come when he was ready, but my body and mind can't take too much longer of this. So on Monday I'll be 41 weeks and baby boy is getting evicted that night. 

This week has sucked. I'd be lying if I said any different. This has been the hardest week of my life so far. Every morning I have woken up nauseous, and it's gotten progressively worse each day. Yesterday was the worst day so far, I thought I might really be in labor for a while! I woke up feeling terrible..nauseous, with period like cramping, and I just didn't feel good. It didn't go away with drinking some water, eating saltines, and doing a light workout. It eased up for a while but them would come back in waves all day. Last night after dinner the back pain started too. I thought, "maybe this is it...but probably not...don't get your hopes up again." So I just tried to forget about the waves of pain and discomfort and enjoy hanging out with my parents. I went to bed expecting to be woken up by my water having broken or the contractions being strong and regular...nope. I woke up for the first time about an hour after I went to sleep and felt the same, crampy and uncomfortable. The next hour when I woke up, everything was back to normal. No back pain, no cramping. And it was the same for the other about 6 times I woke up last night. Then I woke up this morning feeling nauseous and having period like cramping and back pain again. I've realized this is just my life until he gets here.

Which makes it really hard to enjoy these last few days of carrying him. I know that in just a few short days I won't ever feel him kick my ribs again. I won't be able to feel him turn over and stick his little booty out, feeling like he's trying to come out next to my belly button. I won't be able to have him all to myself. Those thoughts make me sad, and the fact that I've been so wrapped up in trying to get him out instead of really cherishing those moments makes me even sadder. 

The best part about this week, despite knowing that I won't be able to feel his kicks in my belly for much longer, is knowing that in a few short days I'll be seeing those kicks and punches. I'll be able to hold him in my arms and snuggle him. I'll be able to kiss his face. And that makes me happier than I ever thought I could be. Those thoughts make all of this nausea, back pain, being uncomfortable, and lack of sleep worth it. 

This time next week, I'll be able to sneak into his nursery and watch him sleep, not just stare into his empty crib. I'll be able to kiss those little feet that have been bruising my ribs for months. I'll be able to hold him in my arms when I read his bedtime Bible story to him. I'll finally be able to look into his eyes and tell him I love him. 

This has been the most difficult journey of my life. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. But this has also been the most rewarding and amazing journey of my life so far. I've learned so much about myself and what I can take. I know that I'm stronger than I thought I was. And I know that I am going to love this little man more than I ever thought possible. He is more than worth everything I've gone through, now I just can't wait to get my hands on him!

The finish line of this journey is finally in sight and I cannot wait to hold the prize waiting for me.

XOXO,

Courtney

Due Date Letter To My Son

      Hey there baby boy!

So, today is your "due date", and I put that in quotes because we have no clue when you'll actually come bursting into our lives. You can come anytime you want to, though, we are as ready as we can be for you! Of course, we're scared out of our minds. We're nervous. We don't want to screw you up too badly. But we are way beyond excited to meet you more than any other emotion. Your nursery is finished, your car seat is installed, your diaper bag is packed, and our hospital bags are all ready. So whenever you feel like you've been cooking long enough, come on out, your dad and I can't wait to see your sweet face!

I can't believe the day I've been counting down to is finally here. I've been looking forward to today since I took that home pregnancy test on November 18. I've been dreaming of you and praying for you. I've been reading you Bible stories before bed every night. I've cried over how nervous I am about what kind of job your dad and I are going to do raising you. I've had so many sleepless nights wondering how our lives are going to change when you get here. 

 Your dad and I love you so much more than we ever knew was possible and no matter what color your eyes are, how much hair you have, or how much you weigh when you're born, I know you are going to be the most flawless and perfect baby I have ever seen. 

Because you're our son.

You are the perfect blend of your dad and I. A scary thought sometimes, because we aren't perfect people by any means...but I know God has knit you together in the most extraordinary way and I cannot wait to see what he's been working on in you.

Now let me tell you just a little bit about YOU. You love Taylor Swift, especially the "Bad Blood" remix, you bounce all over when that song plays. You also love "God Gave Me You", which I love, because it's mine and your dad's song. You have really sharp heels that you just love sticking into my rib cage when you stretch out. You love anything spicy, if I even think about hot sauce you start bouncing all over the place! You love to snuggle up to Grandma's hand when she puts it on my belly, and you did the same to your Aunt Ree the other day (you already know just who to wrap around that tiny little finger). You also love to kick at your dad, which I find hilarious. And anytime he is in the room, you tend to knot up over on the side that he is on. You love your dad so much and he adores you, so I know you two will be best buddies! 

You are already loved so deeply by so many people. You have no idea how many people are anxiously waiting for you to be born. You will always be surrounded by love and support, no matter what you go through in this life. I know the thought of coming into this big old world has got to be scary, but you have your dad and I to protect you. Your Heavenly Father is trusting us with you, and we'll teach you all about Him, too. He will always be with you, even when your dad and I can't be. Just remember that we will always love you. No matter what you do or where you go in this life, we will always love you and support you. 

Whenever you're ready, baby boy...your dad and I can't wait to finally meet you.

I love you to the moon and back fifty million times,

Your mom

False Alarm

Tuesday, my best friend's dad was having surgery at a hospital across town from where I'll be delivering. While we were sitting in the waiting room after they got word from the doctor that everything went well, I started to have some pretty steady contractions. I had been having sporadic contractions for a week or two, but they would happen an hour apart, then ten minutes, then an hour, then thirty minutes...super random. But these were steadily between about ten and fifteen minutes apart and a little more intense than I was used to, nothing crazy, but I had to breathe through them a little more. Of course, my best friend and parents were losing their minds in excitement...I was just trying to not get my hopes up.They had done this before, come for two or three in a row and then would just stop. So I was trying to not get too excited. But then they kept coming all the way home and into the evening. Hubby was working so my mom ended up coming over to stay with me when the contractions hadn't stopped at about 8pm. We tracked them and they had ended up dropping to about eight minutes apart by 11pm when I decided to try and get some rest.

After tossing and turning and not being able to fall asleep for almost an hour after every bathroom break, I got up and started to get ready for work. I mean, why sit at home and wait for contractions to come and then breathe through them? They really weren't that bad. 

I got to work at 8am and by 10am they had dropped down to seven minutes apart. Then they dropped to six minutes apart. So I called my doctor. She said to come into the office so they could check me out. So I called Jim and he threw our hospital bags in the car and raced to pick me up from work. I left a half hour before my shift was supposed to end after calling my boss and him telling me "You better go to the hospital, girl!" I was excited, nervous, and expecting to be holding my baby boy soon.

Wrong.

We get to the doctor and they check my vitals, everything is perfect. Then the doctor comes in to check out what's going on. She says I'm not ready yet. The good/bad/annoying news was that I am only 2 cm dilated. It was good news because Friday I was at 0. It was bad because that meant no baby yet. It was annoying because I was thinking, "Well then why the heck are my contractions dropping at steady intervals like I'm in legitimate labor?!?" She said my body was just getting ready and we have plenty of time, I'm not even to my due date yet, so not to worry. 

Oh, and side note: baby boy took great joy in kicking the monitor they had on my stomach to chart my contractions...he's already bothered enough by the contractions themselves and having something else pushing in on "his space" made him annoyed. So he kicked it. Repeatedly. 

Only my son. 

Gosh I love that kid.

But I want to meet my baby now. Humpf. 

I've mentioned before that I'm not a patient person, haven't I?

She told us to go walk and try to get things moving a little quicker. We left her office and went to Moe's for lunch. I ate three cups of the hottest salsa they had, trying to smoke him out. We then walked around the mall for about an hour. We went on another walk this morning, and while we were watching a movie last night I sat on my Bosu ball in front of the couch in a squatted position. I'm doing everything I can think of to move things along, since apparently baby boy is ready. He's head down and ready to go, now my body just needs to do what it has to do. 

The frustrating part is that I'm still having contractions every five to six minutes. Now, they aren't terrible. I just have to breathe through them and most of them I can just feel my stomach tighten. But, I have some that make me stop whatever I'm doing, close my eyes, and really focus on breathing slow and deep to get through it.

My boss told me this morning that I'm a tough little woman, but I don't feel like it. I feel tired. I feel frustrated. I feel anxious. But I don't feel tough.

I've just got to get through this last week of discomfort and pain and then I'll finally have my prize in my arms. He is so worth all of this, and I know that. It's just frustrating to think that you're about to meet your son....and then be told, nope, you're having contractions every five minutes, but your body isn't doing what it's supposed to yet, so it's not time. 

I'm trying to stay positive. I'm trying to stay focused. I'm trying to not get discouraged. But I'm getting exhausted. Almost 2 days of contractions and nowhere near ready still. 

But I can't think like that! I have to remember that I have gone through SO MUCH these past nine months and this last week maybe the longest week of my life, but it will end, and it will end with us finally meeting our son. Hearing his cry. Seeing those little feet kick. Kissing his face. The finish line is so close, and I can't let myself stumble and fall now. I have to push through this. 

We're almost there. I can see the finish line, and I know the little prize waiting for me is more than worth all I'm going through right now. I just have to not let myself forget that.

XOXO,

Courtney

Before our latest doctor's appointment last Friday, I was 38 weeks and 4 days

Baby DROPPPING

Baby boy has dropped, and it has become obvious to not only me, but everyone else as well. At first I thought maybe I was just imagining it or being whiny, but now people that see me regularly are starting to comment that he's dropped, being tipped off by the fact that my belly went from being way up high to basically sitting on my lap. That, paired with my "gangster walk" as Jim so affectionately calls it, tells everyone that baby boy is getting ready.

Which is totally cool with me because I am in the miserable stage of pregnancy. My left hip is always in pain. Whether I'm sitting, standing, laying down, or walking. It just always hurts. So during the night it's hard to sleep because if I lay on my left side it's excruciating, but when I lay on my right side for longer than about an hour, I wake up to that hip hurting. So I end up just laying on my left side for as long as I can stand it just to give my right side a rest and then I gracefully and swiftly (haha) roll back over to my right side. I try not to complain too much about the pain, because I know the end is in sight and baby boy is more than worth all of this pain, but it just sucks. 

I can't seem to fall asleep easily because of the pain and my mind going about 1000 mph about all the cleaning I still want to do around the house before he's born. So, I toss and turn and make my game plan for the next day and just try to go back to sleep after every time I wake up to go to the bathroom.

Heartburn has also plagued my life this week, I think baby boy must be kicking my stomach or something, because it was rough earlier this week. One day for breakfast I had toast with peanut butter and a glass of milk and for the rest of the morning I had KILLER heartburn. I tell you, it's weird, because Friday night at dinner with my parents I was literally eating this delicious homemade hot barbecue sauce with a spoon because it was so good...and no heartburn came from that. But bread, peanut butter, and milk gave me the worst heartburn I've ever had? The human body makes absolutely no sense to me right now. ;)

Probably the most difficult part for me, though, is not knowing when he will be born. Like I've said before, I am a planner and I like to have a set schedule. It makes me nervous to have literally no clue when I'm going to go into labor. I go back to the doctor tomorrow for my 38 week appointment, so hopefully she can make at least an educated guess as to how much longer it will be, judging from if I'm dilated any and how thinned out my cervix is. It's just a waiting game now, and I am NOT patient at all, so I'm just cleaning and trying to distract myself with trips to the pool. Swimming does wonders for my hip pain, it's so cool to just be weightless for a little while. It's an incredible feeling and I wish I could just live in the water until little boy's born.

Only 11 days until my due date.

We are so close to meeting our little man.

It's going to be the longest time of my life, waiting for him, but it's going to be so worth it.

All of this pain and discomfort and tiredness is going to be more than worth it when I finally get to hold him in my arms.

I just have to keep reminding myself of all of that.

XOXO,

Courtney 

Blog Survey

My brain seems to be consumed with nursery finishing touches (I'll post pictures SOON, I promise, just a couple things I want to do still), hospital bag packing, car seat installing, last minute baby purchases, and writing thank you notes. So, for this week's blog post I decided to mix things up a little bit and do this fun little survey I found on one of my favorite blogs, Peanut Butter Fingers. I LOVE her blog, it's all about healthy food and fitness, and she's a new mom to be too, so check her out!

A to Z Survey


A – Age: 25


B – Biggest Fear: SNAKES and losing someone I love


C – Current Time: 12:10 pm


D – Drink You Had Last: Ginger Ale


E – Easiest Person To Talk To: Jim :)


F – Favorite Song: Anything Taylor Swift...if you say you're not a fan of her, you're lying


G – Grossest Memory: Well, I guess the fact that I sucked salt off of sunflower seed shells I found on the ground at the ball park when I was like 4 is pretty darn gross...don't judge me, I was only a child...so gross...


H – Hometown: Well I lived in Vaucluse, SC until I was in the second grade, and then we moved to Dearing, Ga. I consider Dearing my hometown, since most of my memories are from that tiny town that I LOVE so much


I – In Love With: Jim (which is a good thing, since I'm married to the man) and my baby boy!




J – Jealous Of: People who get to work from home, like how awesome is that?


K – Kindest Person You Know: My Maw Maw. She is amazing, strong, and just the sweetest lady you will ever meet.




This picture was at our gender reveal party, my Maw Maw talking to my brother, sister in law, and nephew via Facetime :)


L – Longest Relationship: 4 1/2 years with my Jim :)


M – Middle Name: Timmerman, used to be Elaine, but now it's my maiden name


N – Number of Siblings: One (you're welcome for this lovely photo, big brother)




O – One Wish: That baby boy will be healthy, happy, and strong


P – Person You Spoke To On The Phone Last: Hubby


Q – Question You’re Always Asked: "When are you due?", "What are you having"


R – Reason To Smile: I'm married to my best friend and I'm about THREE WEEKS away from giving birth to his mini me...I think that's a pretty big reason to smile :)




S – Song You Last Sang: Something on WAFJ in the car, I'm sure


T – Time You Woke Up: 6:30 am


U – Underwear Color: Orange


V – Vacation Destination: Hilton Head, SC. My absolute favorite place. We went there for many vacations growing up, and for a vacation with my parents and best friend, then a vacation with my parents and Jim. It's also where we went for my bachelorette weekend. A ton of great memories there!














W – Worst Habit: WORRYING about almost everything


X – X-Rays You’ve Had: I think only my arm when I was in the second grade and broke my wrist, and then when I was in college and hurt my foot


Y – Your Favorite Food: Probably not a very reliable time to answer this since I'm pregnant, but right now salad, oh and the cake we had at my family shower on Saturday...seriously, it was ridiculously good


Z – Zodiac Sign: Gemini

Keep Calm and Elevate Your Cankles

So the time has come in my pregnancy where by the end of the day my ankle bones are hidden and they effortlessly combine with my calves in the beloved pregnancy symptom known as the cankle. 

Oh, and my fingers are starting to swell too...so much so that I'm hesitant to put my wedding ring and anniversary band on for fear of them getting stuck. So I just wear my wedding band. I haven't taken it off since our wedding day and so I think it's pretty much attached to my finger anyway.

When we went to the doctor yesterday for our 36 week appointment we had to see another doctor in the same practice as mine. She's out of the country this week (baby boy better STAY PUT until she gets back). The doctor we saw this week was great, but his advice for my swollen ankles is probably just not going to happen. His first bit of advice was to make sure I'm drinking plenty of water, which if I drink any more water I'll just need to sit on the toilet all day because I'm already running for the bathroom like 3 times an hour. He also suggested that I stay off my feet when possible. 

Which, I knew would help, and it makes sense. 

But there is still so much I need and want to do before baby boy is born. 

For instance, I still need to finish packing our hospital bags. I started last night but I'm still trying to figure out what we really will need and what we probably shouldn't bother lugging in there with us. There are so many lists out there of what to pack, but good grief some of the stuff just seems silly. I mean, a hairdryer? Really? I am going to have just pushed a human out of my lady parts...I don't think I'll be concerned with blow drying my hair. 

Second on my to do list is to wash up all of baby boy's blankets and socks. My mom came over to our house Saturday and we washed all of his clothes and got them all organized in his closet and drawers, which was such a huge help! So now all I have to wash is blankets and socks, also so I can finish his diaper bag to take to the hospital with us. Of course he'll need a light blanket and some socks for his journey home!

So really, there's not that much that needs to be done. Oh man. 

We are getting so close to meeting our son. 

That is so cool.

Honestly, the most frustrating part of the end of pregnancy for me is not knowing when he's going to come. I am a planner. I like to have a schedule. I like to know the days and times that things are going to happen. So not knowing when he is going to enter our lives is nerve wracking for me. No matter how much I plan or how "ready" we are, he is going to be born when he's ready. And I can't schedule it with him. And that makes me a little nervous. Also, not only is my doctor out of town this week, but my best friend Marie, who baby boy is going to know as "Aunt Ree", is on vacation with her family for TWO WEEKS! Now of course she has plane ticket money set aside just in case, but I've had a talk with baby boy and he knows he needs to stay put until she gets back in town so she can spend some of that money on something else for him ;) 

It's crazy to think that sometime in the next month we'll be speeding...I mean driving the speed limit...to the hospital, bags in tow, about to meet our son. We are so close to seeing his face, to hearing his cry, to being able to snuggle and hold him in our arms.

 And even though I don't know the exact day or time, the finish line of this journey is in sight, and I am so excited to get to the prize at the end

XOXO,

Courtney

Childbirth Class...FUN??

This past weekend Jim and I had our childbirth class and hospital tour. The class we took was the "Short and Sweet" version of our hospital's week night class. We chose the weekend version because with Jim's schedule, he would end up having to miss a lot of the sessions if we had to go two nights a week for several weeks. And I wanted him there for all of it, of course! I was so excited about the tour but kind of nervous for the class part. I was just kind of worried that all of the information would scare me about labor and delivery.

But the complete opposite happened!

 I AM SO EXCITED!!

Call me crazy, but talking about what my body is going to go through to get our baby boy into our arms was so cool. Learning about the stages of labor and how it will progress (even though I'm sure it won't go by the textbook) was really interesting. 

On Sunday the instructor had stations set up all around the room for us to practice each of the positions that women find helpful during labor. We practiced the different breathing techniques and acted out as though we were having a minute long contraction at each station. I would be lying if I said that Jim was mature and serious this whole time. And I would have been surprised if he had been! Oh my goodness that boy wouldn't let me do the "Hee Hee Hoo" breathing without making owl noises back at me after the "Hoo".  And if he's cracking jokes like that while I'm in labor, I'm sure it will either bring me some comic relief that I seriously need...or I will smack him. 

One of the two. I'm not sure which.

But seriously, Jim was AMAZING in class. He actually would answer questions (which, for him is HUGE...he doesn't do talking to strangers) and I could tell he was really paying attention. He was such an awesome support person during every practice minute of labor, even if he was cracking jokes to make me laugh. He would massage my back and try his best to practice encourage me, without laughing at my strange breathing and awkward body position. It made me realize just how amazing having him by my side while I'm giving birth to our son will be. It's going to bring us even closer together and I know there is no way that I could do it without him there to comfort me.

I also completely changed my birth plan over the weekend. Going into the class, the plan was to go to the hospital almost as soon as contractions started and to say "EPIDURAL!!!" before they even knew my name. I wanted to feel nothing. But after learning about how epidurals can actually slow labor and therefore increase your chances of needing a C section, I've modified my plan. Now, the plan is to labor at home for as long as I can, the instructor said until my contractions are about 5 minutes apart and lasting for about a minute and they have been like that for abut an hour. Now I have no clue what my contractions or labor will be like, so we'll just go to the hospital when I say so ;) And I'm not saying I'm going to be going completely without an epidural, because again, I have no clue what contractions will feel like and how my body will handle the pain. But, my plan is to now go as long as I can without one. I don't like the idea of not being in control of my body. I don't want to just lay in bed and wait on my body to get ready for pushing. I want to be able to use some of the comfort positions we learned and to be able to move around. I'm not a huge fan of the idea of laying in my hospital bed hooked up to all these machines for hours on end. I want to do whatever I can to get baby boy into our arms as soon as possible, and even the thought of just laying there and waiting drives me insane. 

So, if I get an epidural farther into labor, so be it. And if I give birth without having one at all, that's cool with me. Basically, my birth plan is to try and be flexible. I have no clue what my labor will be like. I've never felt full blown contractions before. So I have a tentative plan that I am very confident in, but I'm willing to modify it if the pain gets too unbearable or the doctors think it would be in our best interest. I must say though, the thought of giving birth naturally is very empowering and I'm kind of anxious to see if I could do it. I guess we'll find out in a few short weeks.

XOXO,

Courtney