One year ago today at about 5 am my life changed. My world grew bigger. My heart exploded with excitement. My eyes filled with tears. I took a home pregnancy test and finally got the positive that we had been praying for.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
I think it's time I talk about our journey to our son. This blog will consist of period talk and maybe some awkward moments, but I'm discussing how I got pregnant, so it should be expected ;)
We decided to start trying to get pregnant in early spring 2014. I stopped taking my birth control and at the end of the month my period didn't come back. I called my doctor and she said to give it 90 days, sometimes after you go off the pill it can take your body a few months to get everything working on its own again. So I waited. For three long, period-less months. I called my doctor again and they prescribed me a hormone pill that I took for seven days to try and jump start my cycle. After the seventh day I waited 14 more long days. No period. I called my doctor and told her. They had me come in and get what the nurse described as the pill I had just taken in a shot form in my hip. I got the shot on Tuesday and my cycle started the next Monday.
I cried when it came back. This journey had me shed a good number of tears.
I had two normal periods, then in November it didn't come back again. I was SO EXCITED!! So I took a home pregnancy test first thing in the morning the day after my cycle was supposed to start. One of those digital, expensive ones that can tell you that you're pregnant "up to six days before your missed period".
Negative.
WHAT?
It made no sense. My running pace had slowed way down for no apparent reason, I just couldn't run any faster than about a 9 minute mile. I had woken up so nauseous I had to cancel my training clients one day about a week before. I have never been so nauseated, I would get dizzy if I stood up and I couldn't stomach anything solid. But I had no fever and I never threw up. I had started to really think those were pregnancy symptoms!
Great, I thought, my period just stopped again. There is something wrong with me and I'm infertile because of what I did to my body when I was battling my disordered eating. When I lost all of that weight so quickly, I didn't have a period for almost two years.
I tried not to get discouraged and took another one first thing the next morning. This time I picked up a couple of cheaper ones instead of the fancy ones.
Negative.
I started looking into adoption.
We wanted to start a family and I was willing to do whatever we had to in order to have a child. If my body couldn't do it, we would adopt.
The next Monday was Jim's birthday so we went out to dinner together that night to celebrate. After dinner I told Jim that I had been looking into adoption and he said he had been too. I told him that I was going to call my doctor the next day and tell her that my period had gone away again but I wasn't pregnant and to ask what we needed to do next. Jim told me to take one more test first thing the next morning, just to be sure. I agreed but knew that it would just be another heartbreaking no.
I woke up the next morning at 5 so that we could get a run in before we both had to be at work at 8. I shuffled into the bathroom, preparing for another gut wrenching moment with a stick I had just peed on.
It didn't even take the full two minutes to get that cheap, drugstore brand test to pop up with a thick, bold positive sign.
WHAT?! Is this a dream? This can't be real! I instantly broke down into sobbing, and opened the bathroom door.
I had planned a super cute way to tell Jim he was going to be a dad. It involved a pretty sweet Avengers toy and video taping the reveal. I like the way he found out even better, actually.
He was still in bed, but when I opened the bathroom door crying it woke him up and he asked me what was wrong.
"Absolutely nothing...(sob. sob. sob)"
"You're pregnant, aren't you?"
"Yes...(sob. sob. sob)"
I then went over to him and hugged him as he still laid in the bed, I thanked God over and over again and just cried and cried. Then do you know what my always practical husband said to me?
"Oh, get that thing off my pillow, you just peed on that!"
Gotta love that man. We then broke in hilarious laughter and just stared at the test in disbelief. I called my doctor while I was at work and set up my first appointment for exactly one month later. I took another test after work just to be sure. I went to the store and got more of the expensive digital ones and it was positive too, so I knew it wasn't just a dream.
Things have changed so much since that day. Now I have stretch marks, my skin is more stretched out, I can only run three miles, and I have a son that is worth it all and so much more. I wouldn't want to have stretch mark free skin anymore, I'm a mom and those marks remind me of what I went through for my son. This past year has been the best year of my life and I can't wait to see what amazing things Liam leads us to in the years to come.
XOXO,
Courtney
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