I'm not ready

I say this a lot, but I'm not ready.

I'm not ready for Liam to be as tall as he is, he is now entirely flat footed as he shuffles around the house in his walker. 

I'm not ready for him to be able to hold his bottle on his own.

I'm not ready for him to able to put his pacifier back in his mouth without my help.

I'm not ready for him to sit up on his own.

I'm not ready for him to be eating solid food.

Honestly, I'm just generally struggling with my boy growing up so quickly. I knew that my parents always told me that time flies and my brother and I grew up in the blink of an eye, but now that I'm a mom all of those cliches have taken on a whole new meaning.

This really hit me last night. Let's set up the scene: My oldest nephew is spending a couple of nights with my parents because his younger brother is sick. Liam and I spent the night there last night as well since Jim was at work and my parents are keeping Liam while I'm at work this week and they live super close to the gym I work at.

So it's time for nephew to go to sleep and he decides he wants me to lay down with him, which is a first...normally it's Grandma, so I was ecstatic. As I lay next to him, staring at his head full of freshly washed blonde hair, I found myself getting emotional. I thought about the first time I held him three years ago. He was so tiny, but so heavy with the weight of potential and dreams yet to be lived out. I had never held a newborn baby before, I was always afraid I would break them or something. But that day I held him for so long and didn't want to let him go. I'm still struggling with letting him go. He's at the age of dodging pictures and rubbing off kisses, and you have to catch him if you want a hug usually. It's hard to believe that he's so big now. So tall. So smart. So full of big questions and funny comments. I feel like he shouldn't be so big already. 

I think about how fast he has grown up and it makes me want to tape my eyes open so I don't blink and miss Liam growing. Every time he does something new, I am first overcome with pride and joy that he's learning new things. But then the sadness hits me like a ton of bricks. The first time he got his pacifier back in his own mouth was specifically tough. It popped out of his mouth and when I reached to put it back in, he did it himself and looked at me as if to say "don't worry, mom, I got it". And I know I'll be hearing that for the rest of my life from him.

But I'm still not ready.

From what I can tell from these last five months, being a mom is all about being pulled in different directions. Not being able to wait until your kid can do things for himself, but then crying when he does. Begging him to just talk already, and then when he starts talking you pray for just a moment of silence. Counting down the days until he can spend the night at someone else's house so you can get a full night's sleep and then waking up every hour wondering how he's doing and missing him. Needing to balance being a good mom, while not forgetting your husband. 

I feel like this is nothing new, though, and for all you moms out there you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. I know I haven't come across anything revolutionary or mind blowing. This is all just so new for me. I have never wanted someone to become more independent, and stay dependent on me at the same time. I want him to still need me. And I know he will need me for a while longer, I just know this time is going to keep flying by.

So for all of you newer than me moms, moms to be, and women who hope to be moms one day...embrace every moment with your little one. I TRY, key word there is try, to enjoy even when Liam is being clingy and not wanting me to lay him down because I know it's not going to last forever. No, our house isn't spotless and there's usually laundry or dishes that need to be done, but if he wants cuddles I'm going to cuddle him while he still lets me.

XOXO,

Courtney

Tips for a Healthy Holiday

Christmas is just a few days away (YAY!) so I thought it might be a good idea if I shared some of my tips on keeping yourself from overeating or overindulging on Holiday goodies during this busy and celebration packed week.

1. EAT BREAKFAST-Now I don't mean Cocoa Puffs or Pop Tarts here...I mean a breakfast with high protein, healthy fats, and carbs to keep you full. You might think that just skipping breakfast would mean that you save calories, right? Well not really, because you'll be ravenous by lunchtime and then you'll probably overeat. On Thanksgiving I started out my day with my normal nutrient packed Shakeology and I plan to do the same all week long this week. We literally have family gatherings of some sort every day this week except today and Wednesday when Jim is at work, so it would be so easy to fall off track and gorge myself all week. But, starting off my day with a healthy, satisfying breakfast will help me stay on track.

2. Start off your day with exercise. If at all possible, try to get some sort of workout in before any family gathering where you'll be surrounded by all sorts of food. It starts your day off on a healthy note and gets your body moving and burning calories first thing. Even if it's "just" a walk around your neighborhood, get moving! I know you might have cooking and baking to do, but take a few minutes and move your body with some light cardio or body weight exercises like squats and pushups.

3. Eat your favorites. A few years ago I made the realization that I could save hundreds of calories if I stuck to simply eating my favorite things and cutting out the "meh, I'll eat some since it's here" foods. This is especially true for desserts. Skip the store bought mini candy bars and cookies and stick to a slice of your favorite homemade dessert your aunt or grandma makes.

4. Don't deprive yourself. Portion control is HUGE this time of the year. Want some macaroni and cheese? Mashed potatoes? Chocolate fudge? Cheesecake? Go for it! But before you go grab the whole dish and a fork, remember moderation is key! Try to balance out the not so good for you foods with fruits and veggies. Try to just get one (reasonably sized) spoonful of mac and cheese. Add some of those forgotten about green beans and fresh fruit if they're there. And if nobody is planning on bringing healthy options, you bring a couple! And if there's leftovers because you're the only one that ate any, great! That means there will be plenty for you to take home with you ;)

5. Make something festive and cute, but healthy. Pinterest is FULL of cute little desserts and finger foods that are made using foods that are good for you, especially fruit. One adorable such creation I saw at my father in law's Christmas party at his fire station Friday night. Somebody used grapes, bananas, strawberries, and mini marshmallows on kabob sticks to make adorable fruit Santas! So easy and adorable!

6. Moderation is still key. I honestly cannot stress this enough. Even at Christmas celebrations I try to stick to my 80/20 rule. If you look at my plate, it is usually 80% lean meat and fruits and veggies and 20% not so good for me stuff like dressing or my mom's lactose free mac and cheese (which is banging like a biscuit, by the way). So again, you can still eat some of all your favorite "bad things" but just try to balance it out with healthier choices.

7. WATER! Drink tons of water throughout the day. If you're thirsty you might mistake it for hunger. Also, if you're loading your body full of sweet tea and eggnog, that's just liquid calories that you could be using on yummy food ;)

8. Eat healthy when you can. When you aren't at a family gathering, try to make good food choices. Instead of grabbing a burger and fries on the road while you're traveling, try to go with a turkey breast sub sandwich and some baked chips or fruit. I know that doesn't sound as exciting, but that way you can save some of your calories for homemade dishes! I don't know about you, but I think homemade mac and cheese is much better than a drive thru hamburger.

9. Eat slowly. Try not to gobble down your food, I know it will all be delicious, but try to pace yourself. If you eat too quickly, your stomach won't have time to register that you're full, and you'll think you're still hungry and go grab more food. Then, you'll be too full and possibly miserable.

10. Focus on what matters the most. Instead of grazing all day long, try to really focus on spending time in conversations with your loved ones. Stop thinking about food and what's in the kitchen and focus on those around you and enjoying their company.

This. This is what matters during the Christmas season. Not all the food, not the presents, not plans going absolutely perfectly. 

Family and friends and adorable babies dressed up as Rudolph are what are most important.

XOXO and Merry Christmas,

Courtney

4 month updates!

I feel like I say this way too much-like every month-but I can't believe Liam is 4 months old already! 

This month brought several milestones that are so fun to watch, but I'm still struggling with my baby boy growing so fast! He's now a pro at rolling over, he loves flipping and flopping and he's now moved on to performing a Superman type move when he's on his tummy and trying to crawl. His back has got to be so strong now ;) He's now laughing out loud, which is my all time favorite sound and melts my heart every time. He can hold his bottle on his own (if he wants to, if not, you have to do it for him). He's also very fluent in gibberish and will look you straight in the eyes and coo and move his mouth like he is telling you some grand story, and I act like I understand exactly what he is saying. Sometimes strangers look at me like I'm crazy when I talk back to him and carry on "conversations" with my 4 month old, but I could honestly not care any less. How could I expect him to ever talk if I don't talk to him like a grown up?

Liam already is under the impression that he is a big boy. He tries to steal people's coffee and he grabs food off your plate if you're not paying attention.Thanksgiving Day I sat down to eat lunch with him in my lap and he instantly grabbed my roll and started licking it.

He also likes to try and drink out of water bottles and sippy cups, like I said, he thinks he's grown. He likes to sit in his walker and watch what we're doing if we're in the kitchen. He loves his door jumper too, he just spins in it right now, but I'm sure he'll but jumping in no time! He prefers to be sitting or standing when he's awake usually. He has to be in the right mood to lay down and there have to be toys for him to be entertained by, or he thinks you're trying to put him to sleep and he wants no part of it.

We went to the doctor for his four month check up on Wednesday and he had to get two shots :( 

He was a trooper yet again, though. He now weighs 16 lbs 1 oz (3 pounds gained since he was 2 months old) and he's 26 inches long (he grew 3 inches since his 2 month appointment). He's in the 75th percentile and he's following his curve perfectly, they said he's looking great and healthy! We get to start him on rice cereal and then move into stage one baby foods now, too. It is so exciting and we know Liam is going to love eating "real" food since he's already trying to steal off our plates. Jim has been at work since Wednesday so we plan on giving him some rice cereal tonight before his bottle and I can't wait!

Pre-shots, hanging out and terrorizing the table paper 

Now an update on my fitness! I'm now able to run 4.5 miles straight! We ran our first 5k as a family of three on November 14th and we were able to run the whole race without any walk breaks. 

When I wasn't sore at all the next day so I knew I could stick with running the whole distance. I feel like I'm finally getting back to where I was prepregnancy with my strength and endurance, which is a great feeling. I run three days a week and the other three days I do Beachbody workouts, like Hip Hops Abs or T25 cardio and I try to do some strength training on those days too. Variety is key and I'm trying to make sure I don't get bored!

This life I'm living is crazy. It's smelly. It's loud. But it is absolutely wonderful. I wouldn't want to change a single thing about the way my life is right now. Jim and I don't get to have romantic date nights every weekend, but that is perfectly fine with us. We're a family of three now, and our date nights usually include trying to catch up on Chicago Fire and our other TV shows while playing with Liam or feeding him a bottle. We do, however, have a date coming up in two weeks...STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS!! I never thought I would be excited to see such a movie...but I am not ashamed of this nerdness ;)

Our life is now focused on our sweet, crazy, loud, sometimes smelly, smiling, and weird (see picture below) little boy.

This life is beautiful and I am so thankful. I honestly don't know what consumed my time before our son was born, and honestly I'm so grateful to have my little snuggle buddy to take care of now. Being his mom is my greatest accomplishment in this life and I thank God every single day for giving him to us.

XOXO,

Courtney

 Thanksgiving with my best buddy and my AMAZING Maw Maw

 This face looks mischievous...

His hands are his new favorite teething accessory :)