Pretty much my whole life I've been thin (except when I was born, I was a chunky monkey...and now, I look like a basketball smuggler). But for about a year, starting the second semester of my senior year of high school into my freshman year of college, I was too thin. If I'm being completely honest, I struggled with disordered eating. I was never diagnosed with anything specific, but my weight dropped to about 79 pounds over that summer and everyone close to me and my doctor were (rightfully) very concerned about it. To them, I contributed it to the fact that I had cut out soda and had picked up an aerobics class at school in addition to playing soccer. But I knew it was something much deeper.
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My junior prom to my senior prom. About 115 pounds to about 85 pounds.
It stemmed from all the changes my life was about to go through. I was about to leave my family and my best friend and move to a town where I knew no one, not even my roommate. I felt like there was nothing I could control...except what I ate and what I weighed. I started out skipping breakfast...then I started skipping lunch too. I would eat one pretty small meal a day plus working out. Then, when I went to college I realized that I could just not eat for a couple of days. The satisfaction that came from being able to turn down food felt like such an accomplishment to me. Going to sleep at night with a flat, empty stomach was like a reward in my mind. Except for the last night after I had starved myself. It was early one Friday morning, about 3:00 and I hadn't had anything to eat in probably four days. I woke up to my heart POUNDING and my ears ringing. I had broken out in a cold sweat and I felt super nauseated, so I got out of my bed to go to the bathroom my roommate and I shared with our two suite mates. I ending up passing out on the floor, and when I came to just a few seconds later, my heart was still pounding and my ears were still ringing. All I could think was that my roommate was going to find me dead.
I thought about my mom and dad.
I thought about my big brother.
I thought about my best friend.
How it would kill them if I died like this...this young...at my own hands. How could I do this to them? To myself? I had been so selfish, yet so careless with my body. I asked God to save me, to forgive me, and to help me.
The next morning I woke up and for the first time in months...I ate breakfast. Then a few hours later I ate lunch. Then that night I had dinner. To most people that sounds like a normal day, and to me now it is, but for me at the time it was a big deal and a huge accomplishment.
Now why in the world am I divulging this information to you? Before you read this post did you know this about me? Odds are that's a big NO. Because not even my family knew. Those closest to me had their suspicions, but even they didn't know the full extent and all the details. My point is, you never know a woman's past with her body. If I wasn't so head over heals, crazy, out of my mind in love with my unborn son..some of the comments people make to me about my body could send me into a serious downward spiral back into those old unhealthy habits.
For example, it is NOT acceptable to say to a pregnant woman:
- Are you sure you're not having twins? Are you SURE there's only one baby in there? (That's hilarious and original, thank you for that.)
- I didn't know you were pregnant, I thought you were just getting fat! (This one was actually said to a friend of mine, not me personally.)
- Wow, when I was ___ weeks pregnant, I wasn't as big as you are! (Well good for you...would you like a trophy or a ribbon?)
- Any other statement that points out how big ANY part of her body is getting.
Basically, just use common sense when speaking to a pregnant woman. Whether you know her or not, don't say anything to her that you wouldn't say if she wasn't pregnant. I don't understand why people think once a woman is pregnant they get a green light to comment on her weight and body size. You wouldn't DARE say to a non pregnant woman, "Are you sure you only weight that much?" or "Are you sure you don't wear a bigger size?" Questions like that make you an instant jerk and will probably earn you a slap across the face. But the moment she gets pregnant you can make comments on her size and weight and she has to smile and just laugh it off...and if she gets upset it's probably just because she's hormonal.
NO.
She is still a person, with feelings, with an unknown history with that body you're talking about. And the shocking part to me is that most of these comments to me come from other women!
Who have children of their own!
What in your mind tells you that it's acceptable, as a woman who has been pregnant and knows the comments some people make...to make those same ignorant comments to another woman? Why do people think it's okay to make judgmental and rude comments about a pregnant woman's body?
I don't think I'll ever have the answers to these questions, because I don't think even the people who make these comments know why they do it.
Bottom line before I end my rant of the day...THINK before you speak. To anyone. Pregnant or not pregnant. THINK. Would you want to hear the same thing? Would you want your wife, daughter, or sister to be told that? If the answer is no, then keep your mouth shut.
Or how about this, just say congratulations and move on with your day.
XOXO,
Courtney
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