Third trimester discovery

I made a discovery about my body last Friday that I wasn't prepared for. One that served as a devastating blow to my ego and self esteem. A leech that tried to suck the joy out of my pregnancy. Are you ready? I'm warning you, it's bad.

I have stretch marks...on my butt.

It's awfully devastating, I know.

I was in the dressing room at Target trying on dresses for our first baby shower on Sunday. Let me just tell you, the lighting and mirror next to the door that shows you your rump is just NOT flattering..at all. I learned this harsh lesson after I tried on the last dress and was about to put my own clothes back on. I looked in that awful mirror behind me and saw what could only at the time be described as what looked like Harold had taken his infamous purple crayon and drawn HUGE streaks across my entire buttocks. Ugh. How awful! How gross they looked! How my body had betrayed me!

My thought process went something like this: But I'm a personal trainer, I can't have stretch marks! Everybody is going to notice them...everybody! But I do squats, and lunges, and walk 5 or 6 days a week! I didn't even think my butt was growing! And then the doozie of a thought that broke my heart...my husband loves my butt. He's always said it's his favorite body part of mine (sorry for the TMI but that's just life).How in world was I going to break this news to him? His favorite part of my body that was once lifted and toned is now tainted by huge nasty stretch marks. Surely he would find just the image of it disgusting and want nothing to do with me anymore...right?!?

After pouting and sulking around the store for a few minutes I finally decided to text my husband at work and break the news to him. This is our conversation:

Me: So I have stretch marks on my butt :(

Him: I sorry love

Me; You love my butt :( don't find me gross now

Him: Ha I won't I noticed them a while ago, didn't stop me from looking

Seriously?? How great is this man? He noticed that I had stretch marks on my butt and didn't bring them to my attention. He kept checking out his pregnant wife, with her expanding belly and tiger stripes on her behind. Some women might have been upset that their husband didn't break the news to them. It made me fall more in love with him. If he had pointed them out to me it would have told me that he saw them as an issue, that he thought they were a big deal. However, he knew they were there and he didn't even think they were worth mentioning. What a good man.

When I got home I looked in my mirror. And do you know what I saw? Tiny little streaks across my upper butt. That's it. They'll be covered by my bathing suit bottom. They're not huge and disgusting, either. They're a badge of honor that will remind me of what my body had to go through while it carried our son. They're a symbol of the unconditional love that I have for that precious boy. They will remind me of the love my husband has for me, no matter how my body might change as we grow older, he will always love me and always want me. 

I have grown a lot since last Friday in that dressing room. I know that I might get more stretch marks, and that's okay. Do I want more? No, but if more of them creep up I'll be okay. They mean our son is growing and we're getting closer to meeting him. My body won't be the same after he's born, and I can honestly say that I'm okay with that. 

I'm not a model or a movie star that has thousands of dollars to spend on getting her perfect body back a week after her child is born. I'm just a normal young woman who is doing her best to keep what she can of her strength and endurance through her pregnancy. And I'm going to work hard after he's born to make sure I stay as healthy and fit as I can...for him. I'm going to be an active, fun mom who can play in the yard with her son all afternoon. I'm going to lift him up in the air and swing him around until we're both laughing so hard our stomachs hurt. 

That's why I'm going to stay healthy and fit. For him. Not for me or my ego. Not to have the "perfect" body. Because at the end of my life here on Earth I wouldn't regret the abs I didn't have or the flawless stretch mark free skin I didn't have. I would regret the days he played by himself because I was too out of shape to keep up. That's what matters. Our family and the quality time we'll have together.

So the models and movie stars can keep their "perfect" bodies. I just want my son.

XOXO,

Courtney