Let me just start off this post by saying that I have NOT been professionally diagnosed with any type of anxiety disorder. But when I was about 7 years old I started having these random "spells", as my family and I called them up until just this week. I get this gut feeling right before I have one of my spells...I can't describe it, really. It's just a weird, kind of tingly feeling and I start to feel short of breath. Usually I get really hot and break out in a cold sweat when one is about to happen too. My vision starts to blur and my ears begin to ring. Then, if I don't lay down and breathe very slowly, I pass out entirely for about 10 seconds, from what I've been told. I'm apparently white as a ghost usually and my heart is pounding.
When I first started having these "spells" we went to my doctor and they ran all kinds of tests. They did an MRI of my brain...they found nothing (I do have a brain...I know what you smarty pants people out there are thinking). They tested my blood sugar and different levels in my blood...everything was normal. They had me do a stress test to check out my heart...everything was good. They didn't even think it could have been something related to anxiety. I mean, really, what 7 year old has panic attacks?
One whose dad has them, apparently.
A LOT of wonderful things have been passed down from my dad to me. From terrible eyesight, to larger feet, to apparently panic attacks. Thanks daddy...really...I really do appreciate all of these lovely qualities ;)
Before I got pregnant I would sporadically have these "spells" every so often. When I had them made no sense to me. There seemed to be no common factor, until my last one. I have had more spells than normal since getting pregnant. Imagine that, pregnancy causing anxiety in a young lady who is already prone to anxiety. The first one I was able to ward off by laying down and cooling off. The second time, I passed out while training a client...I wasn't even the one working out!
The most recent one was Monday, mine and Jim's two year wedding anniversary (I just wanted to add some excitement to our day, that's all). Well I was in Old Navy, standing in line about to buy a dress.
It was SO HOT AND CROWDED in there.
So many people in line.
I started to feel like I was going to have one of my spells.
But I was in line, if I got out of line to sit down on the floor, people would stare and it would cause attention to be drawn to me.
I needed to lay down.
But I couldn't.
I couldn't stop it.
Finally, I'm next in line and I go up to the register closest to the door. My vision is getting blurry. The cashier asks me how far long I am, I say 7 months. She tells me my total and I swipe my card and put it back in my wallet.
Then I wake up on the floor, with people all around me, asking if I'm okay. Way to not draw attention to yourself, Courtney. The cashier says she's calling an ambulance. Jim is down the strip mall at Target, so I tell them my husband is an EMT so they give me my phone to call him. I don't know how, but that boy got there in like 30 seconds.
The ambulance gets there a few minutes later and we're sitting on a bench in the front of the store. Jim is talking to the EMTs because they're from the ambulance company he works for part time so he knows them.
I start thinking about how this must be serious if they called an ambulance.
I think about our unborn son.
Is he okay?
What is wrong with me? I'm his mother I need to protect him but I don't know what's wrong with me!
I wake up about 10 seconds later to Jim and the EMTs telling me good morning and asking if I was okay.
Great, another one.
I felt much better, like I always do after on of my spells. Like nothing happened. They walk me to our car and Jim calls his best friend, a super knowledgeable paramedic. They hash out what my symptoms are and what it could be.
They land on panic attacks.
Me and Jim talk about how much sense it makes.
I think over all the times I've had a "spell":
- A friend's birthday party somewhere really loud and hot with kids I didn't know.
- School, MULTIPLE times.
- First year of band camp (yes, I'm a band nerd).
- First year of band camp when I made flag line.
- The hospital when my brother had a bad car wreck.
- College, again MULTIPLE times.
Before, these had nothing to do with each other in my mind. I wasn't exercising during all of them, I wasn't in the heat during all of them, I wasn't hungry during all of them...what could it be?
Oh wait. Those were all times of high anxiety for me. Large crowds, new people, someone I love being hurt, the stress of projects and tests. And now, anxiety is common in many pregnant women, and since I already battle anxiety, this is just how my body deals with it apparently.
I must say, it feels good to finally have what I believe are answers. And no, there is no medication I can take to keep me from having an anxiety attack while I'm pregnant. But I do plan on seeing my doctor after baby boy is born and talking about our options and making sure he agrees this is what we're dealing with.
And not to worry, we had our 32 week appointment yesterday and baby boy is doing great! His heart is beating just as strong and fast as ever and he swam away from the Doppler, as usual :) Apparently his mama just needs to do her best to calm her anxiety. I have to keep reminding myself that he's doing just fine, and we'll get to finally meet him in a few short weeks!
XOXO,
Courtney
No comments:
Post a Comment